Turistas

A Embratur tem a mania de tomar as dores dos brasileiros quando viramos motivo de piada lá fora. Foi um escândalo quando um episódio dos Simpsons mostrou macacos e ratos nas ruas do Rio, enquanto Homer era sequestrado e Bart assistia loiras peitudas em programas infantis de tv. Foi outro escândalo quando o filme Turistas mostrou uma quadrilha de traficante de órgãos no Brasil. agora a Embratur quer processar o guia turístico Rio for Partiers (rioforpartiers.com) por causa da seguinte descrição da mulher carioca:

The 4 types of Brazilian woman (other than the normal family girl):

The Daddy's Girl: They are daddy’s little girl, they dress like Christina Aguilera, they look great but they don’t let anyone hit on them. Why? They have a huge waiting list of suitors from their former high-school, their college, their parent’s friend’s sons etc etc. They CAN be stuck up. Forget them, unless you are introduced to one.

The popozuda: Round-butted sex bombs that look like the She Hulk. They work out, wear tight work out wants that make them walk funny and do their best to look like a bomb-shell. Good to invest your time on... if you look good and buff too. Other wise forget it.

The Hippie/Raver: The fun chicks: easy to approach, easy to talk to, hard to kiss, fun to party with.

The 30 year old: Wants to have fun, to dance, and to drink. Treat them like a lady and they will treat you like a king. Great option to hang out with.

E as dicas de sedução:

All Carioca girls wholeheartedly believe they are the Girl From Ipanema. This means their ego is inflated. Some of the time they have every right: they look dropdead gorgeous, work out, have incredible butts, nice hair and tans.
To make things worse, Carioca boys are always reminding them of how hot they look. These boys are very aggressive in theirapproach to seduction, meaning these women have had to build a hard shell around them, otherwise they would be pickedup left and right and end up being treated like an object. The worst places to meet them are on the street, where they are scared to death of being harassed or robbed, and at the beach, where they are surrounded by people they know (since they have frequented the exact same spot their entire lives) and don’t want to ruin their reputation by seeming “easy” to strangers.

Most of these women still live with their parents, since Rio is a dangerous city for a girl to live alone. This means that you won’t be invited back to their place. You will, however, get to kiss them within 30 minutes of talking with them, sometimes alot faster than that. If things go really well and the chemistry works out, you can take them to a motel for a two hour session. But just a reminder: kissing them does not guarantee that you will be sleeping with them, as it is common in Europe and the US. You may be making out with a serial kisser.

Should you catch yourself in a more meaningful conversation with a Brazilian girl, your next move is naturally to shag. Since there are no love nooks in Rio, like cute little alleys, safe parks or beaches, your best bet is to bring her back to your hotel (if the reception hasn’t mentioned any policies against that) or to take her to a motel. Since you are probably moving around in a cab, the procedure is to tell the cab driver which motel you want to go to while she is stepping in the car. That way she won’t feel embarrassed.

Tudo bem que a Embratur queira nos defender o Rio dessa reputação de destino turístico-sexual, mas tem alguma carioca aí capaz de dizer que os parágrafos acima não têm aquele fundo de verdade que incomoda???